Kevin

  • Unknown

    My name is Kevin. I’m Kevin Mathew Haas.
    My last name does not rhyme with moss.
    It does not rhyme with floss.
    To say so makes me cross.
    Many regard me as the motherfucking boss.
    I enjoy a little of the sauce.
    In fact, my last name — Haas —
    rhymes with gauze.
    (This should give you pause.)
    It also rhymes with laws.
    I, Kevin Mathew Haas,
    liked The Wizard of Oz
    but did not particularly care for Jaws,
    which I saw when I was seven.
    My name is Kevin.


    Editors note: the preceding was a poem I wrote about my co-worker Kevin — the Bob Ross of bartending, the Meatloaf of mixology, the sultan of sauce-slinging, the Kenny Chesney of the craft cocktail.


    March 4th, 2013 | journalpulp | 7 Comments | Tags: , ,

About The Author

The sawed-off shotgun of literary pulp.

7 Responses and Counting...

  • Rules 03.04.2013

    The Kenny Chesney of craft cocktail? Let’s play some quarters.

  • Yes, yes: the Kenny Chesney of the craft cocktail. It may sound odd — until you get to know Kevin. And then it all makes sense.

    Thank you for dropping by.

  • And he makes an awesome cucumber cocktail even after you’ve pissed him off by asking for your other favorite bartender to make you a drink…;) Your pic is on the way!

  • Hi Joanne. It’s good to see you here. Thank you for the pic, and thank you for dropping by.

  • doc

    Hope he likes Green Eggs and Ham

  • He does not like green eggs and ham.
    He likes big hot dogs, and Jean Claude van Damme.

  • doc

    Is it Jean Claude van Damme, you say?
    How could he care for that Frenchie O-Fay?

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