Putting the Cock Back in Cocktail: Sazeracs & Manhattans

About The Author

The sawed-off shotgun of literary pulp.

15 Responses and Counting...

  • Scott 10.02.2014

    Another gem vid! I wanted to pick up that martini glass at 1:52.
    OK Go can do the 80s better than Reagan and The Cure.

    Band: This is a song about your fucking mother.
    http://www.youtube. com/watch?v=1kZ5Gz7DK8Q

    Audience member: Gee, I hope it is about my fucking mother fucking.
    Band: You’re in luck.

    http://www.youtube. com/watch?v=orYfWcZ2zdI
    http://www.youtube. com/watch?v=LT52_mz1zdg
    http://www.youtube. com/watch?v=X0DeIqJm4vM
    http://www.youtube. com/watch?v=IekquzYxG6c
    http://www.youtube. com/watch?v=EYZ6iHBx9RU

    and many more …

    Once, when I was really young, I found myself in same room with my mom and dad when they were fucking … but that was the first time I was anywhere. Scarred for life from the very beginning.

  • Hiya Scott!

    Thank you. That’s quite compendiation, friend.

    Scarred right there with you.

    Thanks for dropping by.

  • Okay. I’m high tonight, now.

  • That’s what I wanted to hear, baby!

    Thank you.

    And thank you for dropping by.

  • Doing your magic again….
    Pure talent

  • Okay Ray,

    Sazeracs. Here are my notes. Do what you will with them.

    It’s another good effort, but not quite achieving the level of art as, say, “Getting Numb with Rum” or “Sugar My Rim.” I love the prose here, but there’s not enough of it. Unlike your earlier work, I cannot take what I see here and actually make the drinks. I’ve learned close to nothing about making the drinks myself, and that is disappointing.

    At .34 I think I saw some spillage. Your other readers–none of whom tended bar as I have–probably missed it. But it’s there. You need to be careful. At .48 we see the bitters again. Big fucking deal.

    Between .54 and 1:00, I see some very nice moves, deadly moves even. You’re getting better. But I have to ask: could you pull off that same shit if the bar was busy? Could you? And also serve pork belly and ahi tuna and lobster mac? Between 1:00 and 1:30, you muddle, you twirl, you cut a decent twist, shake the crap out of a drink. These are heavy pours, stiffies, we used to call them. I appreciated all of this. At 1:43, there’s a nice shot of your veins. You’re fit, you’re beating Father Time. Way to go. The rest of us are dying, and you still look 24.

    That splash effect at 2:00 does absolutely nothing for me. I’m tired of it. It looks as if someone in Ace’s has hooked an enormous king salmon. It confuses me to no end. Get rid of the splash effect. Did I tell you I loved the music? Well, I do. But it comes at the EXPENSE of getting no voice over whatsoever. Your voice over WAS what put you on the map. We loved hearing the deftly written prose, the crass one-liners. They’re gone now, it seems, because you’ve discovered Disco. It’s a shame.

    At 2:19 you pour expensive (this is Fort Collins, right?) liquor into both glasses only to pour it out at 2:23. Why? I don’t get it. Why do you waste it? If you are seasoning the glassware, that’s fine. But god dammit pour the extra booze into a glass and send it back to the dishboy; that’s what I used to do. My dishwashers considered me a God for gestures such as this. I sent them half flank steaks, shots of Jim Beam, coronas of shrimp which I liberated from the kitchen. That’s how we did it back them, gratis and more gratis, gratis as far as you can see, baby.

    At the end, do you take a shot? I couldn’t believe my eyes.For one, you hardly drink, unless we count those little nips you take from your long, twisted stirring spoon before you serve a drink. Has something changed? The video ends in slow-mo. Yawn. It looks like you’re about to crack up laughing.

    But overall, I enjoyed it. I’m glad you trashed that stupid arm pose seen in the “New Old Fashions” clip. Seriously, are you considering tropical drinks? Would you do something with pineapple?

  • Thank you, Erin. I can’t tell you how good it is to see you here. You really softened the sting of Dave Zoby’s outrageous and completely ignorant comment, which I hate to even dignify with a reply.

    See you in the stratosphere.

  • L

    Do you dance? Relax your shoulders and those new moves will look natural. 😉 Next fire breathing?!

    Loved the line about sexually frustrated bishops…btw.

  • L, not enough fire already for you here?: http://journalpulp.com/2014/02/19/putting-cock-back-cocktail-part-7-blue-blazer/

    Missing you, Kevin!

    Below is some real fire breathing … amateur fails to chug or simply first blow it out … collateral damage ensues …
    Just in case always remember to stop, drop and twerk!
    http://www.youtube. com/watch?v=fTNaN5xPQuQ (0:28)

  • Still with the tropical drinks … pineapple …

    To each his own as there is no accounting for any of our personal penchants and dislikes, but slinging sauce on the east coast below the Masie-Dixie Line for an extended period of time could possibly get to just about anyone.
    Perhaps let it go to let it happen … if it ever does at all.

    http://www.youtube. com/watch?v=B7-jZnkTrEs (0:30)
    http://tinyurl.com/WhyIHopeRayDoesntDoTropical (pic)

  • New moves? My dear Ms. L, those moves — if you can even call them that — are so old that I was worried you were going to cut them open and count the rings on them.

    Thank you for dropping by.

  • Scott, I laughed my ass off just now when I clicked through that last link.

    Thank you for that.

  • The writings on the wall Ray! You are a hell of a Cocktologist!! Watching you makes me high with pleasure in my eyes!

  • Thank you!

  • […] sure the precise origins of either cocktail, but one thing is almost universally agreed upon: the Manhattan came […]

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