How To Be The Most Interesting Person In The Bar

  • Download the full book and the video course here.

    Most people are boring. Not you.


    Because you broke away from the pack a long time ago. You’re a different breed — a dog of a different color.

    You cultivated the black art of individuality, learned the art of personality. You became brilliant. People argue about your modesty.

    She does things differently, they say, she’s heterodox, self-contained, haunting the higher eminences of thought, hard-worker, school-leaver, reposed, self-taught.

    Like all of us, she’s a tightly packed pod of living potential, but she’s EXPLODING: a life-giving force, a mustard seed.

    She’s never in need.

    She has the common touch. Yet, somehow, she remains pure and remote and above the fray.

    She has a certain way.

    She’s silent. She’s sensible.

    She’s sane.

    She’s generous.

    She’s still.

    She’s esoteric.

    She’s inquisitive.

    She’s relevant.

    She’s independent.

    She knows that self-development is the aim of life and that self-control is the basis of character.

    She’s happy.

    She’s not sloppy.

    It takes a certain kind of work to be boring, whereas in order to be interesting it’s … what?

    It’s mostly a question of habit — and the true secret of habit, as everyone knows, is the insight that habit is discipline and that your habits are what you choose them to be.

    1. Cultivate your desire for knowledge

    Work to want it more. Knowledge is at home in any public house, coffee-shop, diner, saloon, or bar.

    Strive to become the unstoppable learning beast of unslakable thirst that you know you are.


    By generalizing. Specialize, yes, that too, but read a little about a lot — or, if you don’t like to read, listen.

    Take a course. Attend a lecture. Plug into a podcast. Take in a play.

    Most importantly: seek to integrate the new things you learn into the full body of your existing knowledge. In this way, your web of learning will become interconnected, contextual, hierarchical, sweeping.

    2. Learn to listen in a charismatic way

    You heard me right. (Or did you?)

    People love to hear themselves talk. Not you. You’re far too interesting for that. You’re far too self-contained.

    Attentive listening is an infallible hallmark of magnetism and manners — which two things go together like whiskey and wieners.

    By being an excellent listener, slow to speak and swift to hear, you’ll go far in developing a kind of irresistible fascination.

    Brilliant listeners focus sincerely on what the other person is saying.

    They never participate in a conversation with the mindset that they’ll listen only until it’s their turn to talk.

    If the whole time you’re listening, you’re thinking about what you’re going to say next, it will show on your face like food in one’s beard.

    If you’re fidgety, this, too, will show invariably.

    In your patience possess ye your souls.

    Patience and presence are signals of extraordinary listeners.

    Good listeners do this:

    Pause before they respond.

    Never interrupt.

    Allow in total silence people to interrupt them.

    3. Become a passionate storyteller



    Create stories around subjects that you’re truly passionate about.

    If the subject of your story is something you’re genuinely interested in, your personality will BLAST through, and you’ll be exposed as the ferocious creative force of insatiable appetite that you know you are.

    Those who speak well speak briefly.

    And remember:

    Talent is meaningless.

    There’s not even really any such thing as talent.

    Ambition is everything.

    The truth is that the overwhelming majority of successful people aren’t particularly gifted or educated or blessed. Rather, they become successful, in any given endeavor, because they will it.

    Because it’s not how smart you are.

    It’s how smart you want to be.

    Download the full book and the video course for free.

About The Author

I was born and raised in the San Juan Mountains of southwestern Colorado. I've worked as a short-order cook, construction laborer, crab fisherman, janitor, bartender, pedi-cab driver, copyeditor, and more. I've written and ghostwritten several published books and articles, but no matter where I've gone or what I've done to earn my living, there's always been literature and learning as the constant in my life.

14 Responses and Counting...

  • Sabré 09.27.2016

    I love the words, but they are made less poignant, in my mind, by the photograph. If only the smart girl didn’t have such big boobs. 💁

  • Myself, I thought the picture was the best part of the article.

  • “If only the smart girl didn’t have big boobs.”

    Sabré, my dear, that could very possibly be the only time in world history those words were ever uttered.


    It’s very good to see you.

    Thank you for reading, and thank you for dropping by.

  • P.S. Sorry about the big boobs.

  • Intelligent women have big breasts just like tiny chested women. Ill admit, I do look more like a bimbo than an intellect, and that is precisely why you should shut your mouth about another womans chest to brain ratio. Any self respecting woman wouldnt stereotype another by the size of her boobs, in my opinion.

  • “Intelligent women have big breasts just like tiny chested women.”

    It’s very well said, Morgan.

    Thank you for reading and thank you for dropping by.

  • Interesting read Ray. Aside from laziness, I think many people avoid learning because they are afraid. Learning anything new brings back childhood memories of sitting at a school desk, bored to tears, while being lectured by a crabby teacher, lugging home huge text books, and being force-fed subjects that we despised. “Do your homework! Memorize…memorize…memorize! And don’t forget to turn in your book report on time or you’ll get NO credit!” What kid is engaged to learn in that environment? None! It’s not the way kids are programmed to learn. Our public-school institutions know this, and yet they haven’t updated the curriculums or the modes and methods of teaching since the dark ages.

    In my profession, I manage learning programs across the globe for business executives, training nearly 10,000 a year on business leadership and performance achievement culture. Companies spend billions of dollars annually to upskill their work staff with free internal training. They are on top of the learning curve with the latest digital technologies, applications, gaming simulations, interactive web-based training, and more. They do this because they know how hard it is to get someone to commit time to learning, even when its free! These methods of delivering training are aimed to engage the learner on multiple levels, all 5 senses, or what we call “accelerated learning”, because everyone has their own learning style. It’s the same with kids. For real learning to take place you must engage the student on multiple levels and appeal to their personal learning style.

    Imagine a world where kids jump out of bed excited to run to school to play games, explore new things, build projects, create, solve mysteries and puzzles. Imagine a school where there are no desks, just one continuous adventure after another. Imagine the public-school system taking a cue from the business world and engaging young students with the same accelerated learning methods? Do you think a love for learning could be fostered in this way? Imagine these same young kids growing up with a passion for learning. What a wonderful world it would be!

    Parents need to know their options and stop relying on the public-school system to teach their kids – because ultimately it’s not what you know, or how many Pythagorean theories you’ve memorized, it’s what you know you can do in this life based on your experience with learning.

  • “For real learning to take place you must engage the student on multiple levels and appeal to their personal learning style.”

    I totally agree with that.

    Thank you very much for the beautiful and thought-provoking comment, Julie.

  • Thanks Ray. PS – I think I meant to post this to your “5 Bullshit Notions” blog post instead of this one. You had some interesting things to say about keeping our minds open to constant learning. I totally agree, our growth shouldn’t stop with just the physical. Yet I see so many people who are stifled by the pejorative association with learning because of negative childhood experiences. We’ve grown up “too cool for school”!


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