Wickedly Cool

  • Personality is personal style. It is nothing more and it is nothing less. The art of charisma is really the art of personality.

    Which is why there are as many different ways to be charismatic as there are different styles of personality.

    Personality is the sum total of one’s many individual characteristics as they come together and create the person presented to the world.

    Just as a thing is defined by its identity, so humans are defined by their acts, which are in turn defined by their thoughts.

    Since we’re each the shapers of our own thoughts — and only our own thoughts — we each have the power to change and to mold our own personality.

    For this reason, charisma begins (and ends) in the brain.

    Charisma is magnetism.

    Magnetism, as the very word implies, is the power to attract.

    People can be magnetic and charismatic in a multitude of different ways:

    You don’t, for instance, need to be extroverted to be charismatic.

    You don’t need to be gregarious or boisterous. Many of the most charismatic people you’ve ever seen are silent and strange.

    Nor is physical beauty alone charismatic — or, at any rate, not in the full sense of the word:

    Physical beauty attracts, esthetically, sexually, whathaveyou, but its power of attraction is limited, precisely because humans are conceptual: this means we think and ruminate and interact.

    Magnetic qualities are ultimately qualities that demonstrate one’s skills at living life as humans are designed to live it — which is to say, conceptually.

    This is why contemplation is the highest occupation of the human species — because your personality and your behavior are a complex interplay of contemplation and action mixed. But it all begins in the brain.

    Which, in general terms, is the reason that the most magnetic quality anyone can possess is the genuine happiness and the relaxed disposition that comes from a life that’s been thought about and thus lived well, and then the genuine confidence which is the natural elaboration of that.

    Perfection, however — and this is important — is not the determining factor in matters magnetic and charismatic:

    Flaws, faults, foibles, and fuck-ups do not an uncharismatic person make.

    How one deals with one’s own flaws, faults, foibles, and fuck-ups is what’s at primary issue.

    Happiness is charismatic.

    Understanding is charismatic.

    Actual self-confidence is charismatic insofar as it discloses efficacy and worth.

    Have you ever observed that you’re at your best when you’re doing something you really grasp?

    Have you ever observed that you’re at your most relaxed and comfortable when you’re doing something you enjoy — i.e. something that you’re genuinely confident in?

    That state of mind is charismatic.

    Have you, on the other hand, noticed that when you’re put into a situation about which you know little or nothing and want no real part of, you feel diffident, timid, unhappy?

    This is the opposite of charismatic.

    The primary method of human survival is our rational capacity, because of which human survival isn’t just physical but psychological.

    That’s why happiness is the goal.

    The goal of life, then, is emotional. But the means of achieving it are not.

    The means of achieving it are cognitive:

    We must use our brains.

    We must think.

    Charisma stems from this uniquely human faculty.

    Charisma comes from thinking.

    So Cultivate your power of thought.

    Cultivate deliberate thinking.

    Cultivate contemplation.

    Contemplation is the highest occupation of the human species.

    In the very decision to do this — and even more in the sincere follow-through — your charisma will EXPLODE.

    Develop excellent eye contact.

    Everyone knows that excellent eye contact is charismatic.

    Everyone also knows that poor eye contact is a sign of diffidence and shyness.

    Everyone knows that poor eye contact is a sign of distraction and a lack of interest.

    Shifty eyes are fidgety eyes, and fidgety eyes do not attract but repel.

    What most people don’t know, however, is that excellent eye contact means relaxed eye contact. It’s not some fierce, hyper-unwavering stare.

    If you have trouble holding somebody’s eyes, try looking instead at the multitude of different colors contained within her eyes. Make a scientific study of those colors.


    Count their blinks, which has been demonstrated as an effective way to maintain proper eye contact.


    Look at the eyelashes. Notice them. Count the individual strands, if you can.


    Look only at the tip of the nose, which will appear to anyone whom you’re talking with as if you’re looking into her eyes.

    Notice as well how you’re physically feeling, and pay attention to that in an analytical way. This, believe it or not, will help with your eye contact.

    Try this experiment:

    Look at yourself in your phone-camera, or in your bathroom mirror. Then close your eyes and think of something in your life that’s made you feel genuinely happy — happy to be alive. Concentrate on that thing. Actually put yourself back in the moment so that you’re feeling it again.

    Feel it for at least a half-minute.

    Then open your eyes and observe what your eyes look like in that precise moment.

    That’s what charismatic eye contact looks like: relaxed and happy and soft.

    Be still.

    As you don’t fidget with your eyes, so also don’t fidget with your body.

    Repose is always charismatic.

    Repose is a hallmark of a relaxed disposition.

    Develop and maintain proper posture and a purposeful walk.

    Keep your back and shoulders straight, though not in an exaggerated or uncomfortable way.

    Slouching isn’t charismatic. It suggest listlessness and a certain lack of confidence.

    Keep this good posture when you walk.

    When you walk, walk purposefully but not overbearingly.

    Be slow to speak and swift to hear.

    And pause a beat or two before you begin speaking.

    Slower speakers are almost universally regarded as more magnetic than those people who speak rapidly. Speak, therefore, more carefully, and speak also at the appropriate volume for the room or place you’re in.

    Those who speak well, speak briefly.

    Said Dostoevsky.

    December 12th, 2016 | journalpulp | 4 Comments | Tags: , ,

About The Author

I was born and raised in the San Juan Mountains of southwestern Colorado. I've worked as a short-order cook, construction laborer, crab fisherman, janitor, bartender, pedi-cab driver, copyeditor, and more. I've written and ghostwritten several published books and articles, but no matter where I've gone or what I've done to earn my living, there's always been literature and learning as the constant in my life.

4 Responses and Counting...

  • Tiffany N. York 12.12.2016

    Oh dear, I fail miserably at #5. When I’m excited or upset about something, I speak very fast. And I use a lot of hand gestures. I’m Italian. We’re very fiery and expressive. I also use a whole bunch of “sentence enhancers,” which if you watch SpongeBob refers to naughty, no-no words.

    So. If I simply kept my mouth shut, I’d be quite charismatic indeed.

    Yay for your upcoming book! How exciting.

  • My dear Ms. York, don’t be ridiculous. You already are quite charismatic. Quite charismatic indeed.

  • Doc

    I have to agree that you don’t need to be beautiful, or that all beautiful people are charismatic.

    Beautiful people often work at a disadvantage. They become used to people always listening to them, and after awhile they think it’s because of what they’re saying.

  • I hope it pains you not, Doc, to have to agree with me.

    Thank you for dropping by.

    P.S. Don’t forget to download the whole book (it’s free):


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